Since I was in my teens, I’ve had a phobia of being in a relationship. Much of it has to do with my traumatic memories of watching my mother battle an abusive relationship. Although I believe that in some cases one should overcome their fears, but what if you’re comfortable with your fear being just that– a fear?
It’s common for one to believe that you MUST conquer your fears because society says its right. So for me, I began to believe that my relationship phobia was a problem that needed to be resolved. I let down my guards and I began to let myself feel certain things that I would normally suppress. For example, I started liking this guy and I started noticing myself falling for him. I would wait for his call, wonder what he’s doing, etc.
It wasn’t until Saturday when I realized how far I’ve taken this in so little time. As women, we tend to want this so badly that we don’t think about the long term effects. As for me, the guy that had my interest said to me ” We have to make plans for our future!” I was thinking to myself “he has to be high off something!”.. “who said that you would be in my future”? I had spoken about him to my closest friends, but it was then that I had a break through with reality. I was not ready for a relationship! I only thought I wanted it because it’s considered socially right.
I was not ready for “I” to turn into to “us”! How could there be a “we” if I have not established “me”? Silly as it may sounds, I’m being serious. Why should we, women, submit to a man without submitting to ourselves first? why should we base out careers around what works for two instead of one?
When I told my god-sister that I changed my mind about this guy, she died laughing…she and her husband made a bet to see how long I would hold out until I kicked him to the curb. So of course, my sister won the bet and she promised to split the money with me to buy lunch. We both laughed and laughed because although it may be socially wrong to have an unconquerable phobia, I’m comfortable with it because it defines me.
Ladies don’t be afraid to identify with what makes you an individual. Society does not define you..
Hugs and kisses from your friend and sister,